Borgon the Axeboy and the Whispering Temple Read online

  The man got down from the sedan chair and came over.

  ‘What did I tell you?’ growled Fulgut. ‘Here comes somebody sticking his nose in.’

  ‘I’ll get rid of him,’ said Borgon.

  ‘I bet you can’t,’ said Fulgut. ‘Not if he’s heard about the money. You’d better leave it to your mum. After all, she is the scariest savage in the Lost Desert.’

  ‘Not just now I’m not,’ said Fulma, sticking her finger in her mouth. ‘I’ve got a bit of peach skin stuck in my teeth.’

  ‘Oh, go on then, Borgon,’ said Fulgut. ‘Do your best! But remember, do NOT tell him about the money.’

  Borgon stepped out of the cave holding his axe and pulling his scary face.

  ‘GRRRR!’ he growled. ‘We don’t like visitors.’

  That was usually enough to send strangers away, but the man just put on a big smile.

  ‘Greetings!’ he said. ‘Your friend said you can help me.’

  ‘Oh, he did, did he?’ said Borgon, then he added an extra GRRRR!

  The tall man held out the gold coin.

  ‘I’m looking for the lady who spent this coin at the market,’ said the man. ‘A tall lady with dark red spiky hair.’

  ‘I’ve no idea who she is,’ said Borgon. ‘Goodbye.’

  But then the cave echoed with some KRUNCH SLURP BURP! noises. The man peered over Borgon’s shoulder.

  ‘But that lady in the cave is tall with dark red spiky hair,’ said the man, with an even bigger smile.

  ‘No she isn’t,’ said Borgon, feeling a bit silly.

  ‘Are you sure?’ asked the man. ‘The lady was seen buying a huge basket of peaches.’

  ‘We never buy peaches,’ said Borgon.

  SHPLIP! A soggy lump of peach flew out and landed at the man’s feet.

  The man was getting even smilier and Borgon felt even sillier.

  ‘So tell me, how did that tall lady with dark red spiky hair get those peaches?’ asked the tall man.

  ‘We’re BARBARIANS!’ said Borgon getting desperate. ‘We don’t buy food. We HUNT food.’

  Borgon gave his axe a wave and added an extra loud GRRRR! to make himself feel better.

  ‘So you hunted a basket of peaches?’ asked the man.

  ‘Er … YES!’ said Borgon. He was feeling like a real idiot. ‘There was a giant peach tree charging across the desert, so we attacked it with swords and axes and chopped all its peaches off.’

  ‘Oh,’ said the man. ‘That’s a pity …’

  He was twiddling the coin in front of Borgon’s face.

  ‘… because I actually came here to give the coin back.’

  ‘Give it back?’

  ‘Yes,’ said the man. ‘But if you’ve never seen it before, obviously I’ve got the wrong people.’

  ‘Not so fast,’ said Borgon. ‘Why are you giving it back?’

  ‘My name is Zaffar, and I look for lost temples,’ said the man. ‘This is an old temple coin, and I’ll give it to the person who can tell me where it came from.’

  ‘What do you want to know that for?’ said Borgon.

  ‘Ah! Er …’ Zaffar looked confused. ‘Um … Oh yes, I know! There’s been a lot of trouble with some of the old desert gods. When they get forgotten, they get angry. They send plagues of frogs or leave quicksand traps and so on. It’s my job to restore their temples to keep the gods happy.’

  By this time, his smile was as big as a banana, but then Fulgut stepped out of the cave.

  ‘Hey, Borgon, haven’t you got rid of him yet?’

  ‘He won’t go,’ said Borgon. ‘He’s looking for a tall lady with dark red spiky hair and a big basket of peaches.’

  ‘Is he really?’ said Fulgut. ‘Does she look anything like this?’

  Fulgut moved aside to reveal Fulma. She was pulling her scariest face. Her hair was sticking out like the spikes on a porcupine, her eyes were dark narrow slits, and her teeth glinted like a row of white needles.

  ‘ARGHHH!’ screamed the man, and he ran all the way back to his sedan chair.

  ‘That’s got rid of him!’ laughed Borgon. ‘Well done, Mum!’

  Then Borgon saw a straw hat twitching behind a rock.

  ‘Hunjah!’ said Borgon. ‘Were you spying on us?’

  ‘I was trying to,’ said Hunjah. ‘What did that man want?’

  ‘He was asking where the temple was,’ said Borgon. ‘But don’t worry, I didn’t tell him.’

  ‘Thank goodness,’ said Hunjah. ‘But why would he want to know?’

  ‘No special reason,’ said Borgon. ‘He just wants to build it up and make it nice again to keep the god happy … Hunjah? HUNJAH?’

  But the skinny savage was already running off after the sedan chair as fast as he could.

  ‘WAIT! STOP!’ shouted Hunjah. ‘I’ve got something to tell you!’

  The Spank of Fire

  Later that day, Borgon was back on top of the temple ruins looking out for the two slaves carrying the sedan chair. As soon as he saw them approaching, he scrambled down to the ground where Mungoid, Hunjah and Grizzy were waiting. Mungoid was polishing the shield.

  ‘They’re coming!’ said Borgon. ‘Do you all know what you have to do?’

  ‘We’re pretending the Great Conk can open his own temple door,’ said Mungoid.

  ‘Well I’m not helping you,’ said Grizzy. ‘Not after you all laughed at me yesterday.’

  ‘Oh, come on, Grizzy,’ said Borgon. ‘Here’s your chance! If you can really make this work, then we’ll have to admit you’re clever, won’t we?’

  Mungoid and Hunjah nodded.

  ‘Very well,’ said Grizzy. ‘But I still can’t see why we’re bothering.’

  ‘We want to make Zaffar think that this Conk god is big and powerful,’ said Borgon. ‘Then he might restore the temple and make it nice again.’

  ‘What’s the point?’ said Grizzy. ‘There is no Great Conk.’

  ‘Yes there is,’ said Hunjah. ‘He made it rain and you saw his blue snake!’

  ‘That was pathetic,’ said Grizzy. ‘If this Conk really was great, he’d make volcanoes explode and drop crocodiles on us or something good like that.’

  ‘Don’t be mean, Grizzy,’ said Borgon. ‘This old temple means a lot to Hunjah. All you’ve got to do is tell Mungoid where to hold the shield, so that the door opens.’

  ‘Oh, all right,’ said Grizzy. ‘But don’t expect me to tell anybody there’s a god in there, because there isn’t.’

  Mungoid and Grizzy went off to hide in the rocks.

  ‘Are you sure the door will open?’ asked Hunjah.

  ‘It should do,’ said Borgon. ‘It would have opened last time if the sun hadn’t gone down.’

  ‘Oh,’ said Hunjah. He sounded a bit gloomy.

  ‘What’s the matter?’ asked Borgon.

  ‘Nothing,’ said Hunjah. ‘It’s just that when I was small, I really DID think the Great Conk opened the temple door. It turns out it was just a statue with a shiny shield all the time.’

  ‘Never mind!’ said Borgon. ‘With our help, your god will get a grand new temple, and then maybe miracles will happen!’

  The sedan chair came round the corner. Hunjah ran over to meet it.

  ‘Welcome to the temple of the Great Conk,’ he said excitedly.

  ‘Where is it, my friend?’ smiled the tall man.

  ‘Here!’ said Hunjah, pointing at the doorway. ‘Inside there’s a great big nose.’

  The two big slaves carrying the sedan chair had a little giggle, which made the chair wobble. Zaffar’s smile quickly turned to an angry scowl.

  ‘Are you joking?’ he said crossly. ‘You’ve asked me to come all this way for a big nose?’

  ‘Absolutely, and it’s dripping!’ said Hunjah. ‘Are you ready to see it?’

  ‘No I am not! You told me that this was the temple of a powerful god.’

  ‘It is!’ said Hunjah. ‘Isn’t it, Borgon?’

  ‘Oh yes,’ said Borgon. ‘This te
mple belongs to the Great Conk, and he’s not to be sniffed at.’

  Zaffar took a closer look at the little chubby savage. ‘Oh, it’s you!’ he said. ‘You’re the boy who makes up stories about fighting peach trees.’

  ‘GRRRR!’ growled Borgon. The tall man with the shiny head was making him feel silly again. In fact there was something about this man that he didn’t like, but Borgon knew he had to be nice, or he’d ruin Hunjah’s chances of getting the temple fixed up.

  ‘Is there anything else in there apart from a nose?’ asked Zaffar. ‘Some gold statues perhaps? Or maybe the floor is covered in precious stones?’

  ‘I don’t think so,’ said Hunjah. ‘All I can remember is the nose. Oh, and the offerings of course.’

  ‘Offerings?’ said Zaffar. ‘You mean presents to the god?’

  ‘That’s right,’ said Hunjah. ‘There’s a huge pile of them.’

  Zaffar pulled the gold coin out of his pocket. ‘You mean like this?’

  ‘That’s just one little coin,’ said Hunjah. ‘People used to bring loads of stuff to make the Great Conk happy.’

  ‘Loads of stuff?’ repeated Zaffar. The smile came back to his face.

  ‘Oh yes,’ said Hunjah. ‘In fact, if you see anything you like, you can have it.’

  ‘Hunjah!’ said Borgon. ‘You can’t just let him take whatever he wants!’

  ‘Why not?’ said Hunjah. ‘The Great Conk won’t mind.’

  ‘Really?’ said Zaffar.

  ‘Of course,’ said Hunjah. ‘Just so long as you restore the temple, like you said you would.’

  ‘Restore the temple?’ said Zaffar, looking puzzled. ‘Did I say that?’

  ‘Yes you did!’ growled Borgon crossly. He really didn’t like this thin man at all.

  ‘Oh yes, that’s right. I remember now,’ said Zaffar, then he turned to his slaves. ‘We’ll restore the temple, won’t we, boys?’

  ‘Restore it?’ said the big slaves. ‘But we thought we were just here to …’

  ‘Shhh!’ said Zaffar. ‘No time for chatter. Bring your hammers, we’ll soon smash through this door.’

  Zaffar leapt down from his sedan chair and the slaves pulled out some huge metal mallets.

  ‘Sorry!’ said Hunjah. ‘You can’t do that. You have to ask the Great Conk to open the door.’

  ‘Don’t be silly,’ said Zaffar. ‘Get to it, boys.’

  The slaves stepped forwards, but then something dropped from the top of the archway and landed in front of them. It was the blue snake! It raised its head and hissed angrily.

  Rattle rattle rattle!

  The slaves leapt backwards, then tried to swipe at the snake with their mallets. The snake dodged them easily.

  ‘Ha ha! You two are useless!’ laughed Borgon. ‘Come here, Bootlace!’

  He pushed past the slaves, but the snake saw him coming. It was obviously bored of being grabbed, so instead it dashed off round the corner.

  ‘Thank you,’ said Zaffar. ‘Now stand aside so we can break in.’

  But Borgon stayed where he was. He’d spotted Mungoid and Grizzy up in the rocks waving at him. Mungoid was pointing at the shield and Grizzy was pointing at Zaffar. Borgon grinned. He knew exactly what they were thinking!

  ‘Don’t try to break in,’ warned Borgon. ‘Or the Great Conk will spank you with his hand of fire!’

  ‘I don’t believe you and your silly stories,’ said Zaffar.

  ‘Don’t you?’ said Borgon. He looked upwards and called out in a big voice. ‘Oh, Great Conk! Let the unbeliever feel your power!’

  Borgon saw the sunlight glint off the shield.

  ‘Oh really,’ said Zaffar. ‘We haven’t got time for this … YAROOOOP!’

  The tall man hopped and jumped around with smoke coming up from his bottom. Mungoid and Grizzy ducked down behind the rocks to avoid being spotted.

  ‘Let that be a lesson to you!’ said Borgon. ‘If you want to get inside, do as Hunjah says.’

  ‘You have to bow down low,’ said Hunjah. ‘Then shout out, Oh, Great Conk, open the door, I beg you!’

  Zaffar was trembling and the two slaves were watching nervously.

  ‘Or maybe that big pile of offerings isn’t any use to you?’ said Borgon.

  Zaffar slowly got to his knees.

  Borgon glanced up at the rocks to see if Mungoid and Grizzy were ready, but Mungoid had his hands clamped over his mouth, desperately trying not to laugh. Grizzy pointed at Hunjah, then she pointed at her foot and puckered her lips.

  ‘Oh, sorry!’ said Borgon. ‘There’s just one more thing.’

  ‘What?’ asked Zaffar.

  Borgon pushed Hunjah forwards.

  ‘This guy’s mum was a priestess here,’ said Borgon. ‘So after you’ve shouted, you have to kiss his feet.’

  ‘He doesn’t have to do that!’ said Hunjah.

  ‘I think he should,’ said Borgon. ‘Just to be on the safe side.’

  ‘Never!’ said Zaffar.

  ‘Think of that big pile of offerings,’ said Borgon.

  Zaffar growled crossly, but then shouted:

  ‘Oh, Great Conk, open the door, I beg you!’

  And he kissed Hunjah’s feet.

  The shield glinted from the rocks again. The light flickered around the sun lock, and then from inside the temple came a low

  CREAKKKK!

  ‘Oooh …’ said Zaffar.

  CREAKKKK!

  ‘OOOH!’ said the slaves.

  KUR-RARRK!

  The stone door twitched. A few dried-out mushrooms fell away from the cracks.

  RUMBLE SHUDDER!

  The door slowly crept upwards. A stink of mouldy dampness wafted towards them.

  ‘It’s opening!’ yelped Hunjah in delight.

  They all watched in amazement as the stone slab went up and disappeared into the top of the arch. Inside it was pitch black.

  ‘I don’t believe it!’ gasped Zaffar.

  ‘You know what the Great Conk does to unbelievers,’ said Borgon.

  ‘Sorry!’ said Zaffar. ‘SORRY!’ he shouted into the temple.

  The Hungry God

  Zaffar and his slaves had gathered round the temple door. They had lit some burning torches and were peering into the darkness. While their backs were turned, Grizzy slipped down from the rocks and came running over to Borgon.

  ‘It worked!’ she whispered excitedly. ‘So you have to tell me how clever I am.’

  ‘You’re very clever,’ admitted Borgon. ‘Does Mungoid know what he’s doing with that shield?’

  ‘He’s fine,’ said Grizzy. ‘As long as he keeps the light on the sun lock, the door should stay open.’

  ‘Where did she come from?’ asked Zaffar, seeing Grizzy.

  ‘I just fell out of the sky,’ said Grizzy. ‘Why, what’s it to you?’

  ‘He’s a bit worried,’ said Borgon. ‘The Great Conk just gave him a spank of fire.’

  ‘Oh, how very awful,’ said Grizzy.

  ‘So are you going inside then?’ Hunjah asked Zaffar.

  ‘He’s got to pay you first,’ said Borgon. ‘He said he’d give you that gold coin for telling him where the temple is.’

  ‘You’ll get the coin once I’ve been inside and seen it for myself,’ said Zaffar. ‘But you three have to go in first.’

  ‘What’s your problem?’ asked Borgon.

  ‘I don’t trust this god of yours,’ said Zaffar. ‘There might be traps.’

  ‘Let me go first then!’ said Hunjah. ‘I’ll be safe. The Great Conk likes me.’

  The weedy savage stepped into the darkness, then from outside they heard his voice.

  ‘Oh, mighty me! Hey, Borgon, Grizzy, get in here!’

  Borgon went in, followed by Grizzy close behind. As they got used to the light, they saw two large empty eyeholes high on the far wall, and the giant nose sticking out between them. On the floor underneath was a massive stinking pile of something. Water was dribbling down the side of it.

  PLIP
PLOP PLUB!

  ‘That nose is still dripping!’ said Grizzy.

  ‘I know,’ said Hunjah. ‘And we were standing up there inside yesterday. Isn’t it fantastic?’

  The rest of the god was carved around the temple wall. He was lying on his side with his head propped up and wearing massive baggy trousers. Although his nose was by far his biggest feature, his naked belly was sticking out as large and as round as an elephant’s bottom.

  ‘Listen!’ said Borgon. ‘Can you two hear a noise?’

  There was a soft buzz echoing around the temple. It was like an army of people all whispering at once. Borgon put his ear to the god’s belly button. There was a little dark hole and the noise was coming from deep inside, but he couldn’t make out any words. It was a bit creepy. Oo-er!

  ‘What’s making that noise?’ asked Borgon.

  ‘I don’t know,’ said Hunjah. ‘Maybe we’ll find out when the temple gets restored.’

  ‘What’s going on in there?’ came Zaffar’s voice from the doorway. ‘Are you lot still alive?’

  ‘No, I’m a ghost,’ shouted Grizzy. ‘Wooo!’

  ‘Ignore her!’ shouted Hunjah. ‘Come on in.’

  Zaffar and the slaves stepped inside. They stuck their burning torches into holders on the wall then peered around in the gloom.

  ‘It’s disgusting!’ said Zaffar, wrinkling his nose.

  ‘Mind your manners,’ said Borgon. ‘The Great Conk might hear you.’

  ‘Really?’ said Zaffar, then he cried out: ‘Listen here, Great Conk! Here’s the deal. You let us take some of your offerings, and then we’ll restore your temple. How about that?’

  Nothing happened.

  ‘Well, he’s not complaining,’ said Zaffar. ‘So where is this great pile of offerings?’

  ‘Underneath the nose,’ said Hunjah.

  Zaffar went over to the stinking pile. He stuck his hand into it, then quickly pulled it back.